top ten lessons learned from AA ads, via heartless... →
it’s funny today, for a minute someone thought that i was dead– sister referencing that fact that a friend of hers urgently facebook messaged her after hearing a girl with the same name tried to commit suicide
hello, perfection. while i don't see him as AG, i... →
1. Christian Bale’s movie made tons of money 2. Christian Bale’s crazy mother and sister came to his hotel all liquored up 3. Christian Bale’s sister asked for $200,000 4. Christian Bale said no 5. Christian Bale’s sister insulted Christian Bale’s wife or something 6. Christian Bale crushed both their heads. 7. JK, Christian Bale got pissed and cursed at them...
Patrick Bateman: He was into that whole Yale thing.
Donald Kimball: Yale thing?
Patrick Bateman: Yeah, Yale thing.
Donald Kimball: What whole Yale thing?
Patrick Bateman: Well, he was probably a closet homosexual who did a lot of cocaine. That whole Yale thing.
the first day i was like: this is bad. the second day i was like: we’re...– cop sissy and i met outside a bookstore tonight, telling us about his three day terrorist training course.
you are becoming a pirate, you are becoming a pirate. think of ways to become a...– six year old cousin hypnotizing us in old navy today.
the russian concubine
by kate furnivall. granted i’m only 30 pages into furnivall’s book, but i think i’ve decided to stop reading. the plot goes as follows, to quote amazon: The experiences of the author’s mother inspired this debut novel, a somewhat improbable tale of star-crossed love in 1928 China. Valentina Ivanova and her 16-year-old daughter, Lydia, White Russian refugees, live in...
i haven’t done a lick of work in the past two months. so if you’re...– u.
me: its not the years in your life, its the life in your years
u: wow thats cheesy i say let them eat steak
me: its not the men in your life, its the life in your men
u: its the men in your men
banana republic coach michael kors and of course, the cole haan “genevieve”
i woke up at 9 am this morning, for no reason- why? i woke up when it was still dark and had to force myself back asleep, and again at 7am, i said “you don’t have anything to DO if you get up, go back to bed” and i did. for two hours. the other night at the restaurant i realized i really do live in a small town. a cashier i know from my coffee place in manhattan walked by with...
as they say in latin- “oy vey– dateline
“I’ve always said, I am not the kind of person who would die for something he felt strongly about. But this morning, while sitting over my breakfast at this diner, I realized I was willing to die for what I believed in: I believe in perfectly browned breakfast potatoes, seasoned well, and soft on the inside with the requisite crunchiness where they burned to the griddle a bit. I...
i'm wearing my custom made robin sparkles mall...
and i wanted to share it with you all.. its SO cozy and i love it SO much. i smile whenever i see myself in the mirror. you can get your own here! and i seriously suggest you DO.
some please explain how my brother has been in france for over two weeks and yet his laundry still keeps collecting?
if you can’t say anything bad about a relationship, you shouldn’t...– george, sienfeld “the stand in”
working in a small town is funny. people come in who you know, sometimes its awful, sometimes not. tonight i sat a family i have known for nineteen years. there was something entirely nerve wracking about it. maybe it was because i grew up with the son, we we’re in school together from three until fourteen, when he left our highschool. he was one of my first crushes, when i was three- i...
twenty days til twenty one: angst
erika tote from lesportsac a longchamps le pliage, preferably with the initials “GBD” on the leather. trench coat. the j peterman, “french raincaot” - they only have an x-small black, which is not what i want! or the size i want, j peterman is mean. a new new battery for my mac. gulp, copying my sister i want this aspinal of london wallet, or this hobo international sadie wallet in this...
see there are other siblings like us out there! I... →
sister: can you draw that for me?
me: i don't know, maybe.
sister: in your spare time?
me: ech, maybe. how much are you going to pay me?
sister: i'll pay you in dinner.
me: i don't know.
sister: fine then, i won't pay you in dinner. you won't eat!
Me: (holding up a wrinkle free dress) You know what this dress is good for? Sleeping over at a guy's house and going to work the next morning.
O: Thanks slut.
panch: hows your jobski jobbin'
me: jobbing along
panch: keep on jobbin.
me: its ruined the color black for me
panch: and now you hate black people
me: no the color of clothes,
panch: its a good thing you're not goth or emo
This place is like a chocolate factory..because it is a chocolate factory..– sister and i were in a chocolate shop in our town. she is truly brilliant
i'm in the mood..
for planning. for picking. i want to pick out birthday presents- but there’s not much out there i need/want. i need: a black pencil skirt. a big brown delicious leather bag. a new wallet-but the truth is i want to steal my mother’s unused one. i put my stuff in it the other day and it looked so pretty. a navy blazer. new dresses/getting my all-time-fav-dresses recut in other...
me: so wake me up tomorrow, when are you getting up?
sister: um, 9:30.
we: HIGH FIVE, hard.. too hard.
me: and what will we do to get ourselves out of the house and up?
sister: get coffee.. and ow.. post office..? ow..
me: go to the doctor?
me: how about 10? 9:30 just sounds really early..
sister: i'll get up at 9:30 and wake you at 10.
me: ok, good plan. see you at one.
i am looking for someone to help me learn to use iMovie. the frustrating thing about macs is that they come with really amazing software, and no instructions. i try to use online tutorials, but they just confuse me more. do you think the genius bar would give a shit for this? i need that OneToOne program, but i already paid three hundred dollars in extended coverage PLUS the twelve hundred for the...
he is like a triple layer cake of stupid!– MyGuy on someguy.
many of you know these facts about me: my parents divorced when i was about 8. my mother had a long term boyfriend who lived with us and who i still consider my step father. this man goes by the name pat. my 17 year old brother is spending the summer in France. right now he is on a two week homestay with a family in a small town in Provence called Sete. He just called and told me that: the...
they've almost hit forty years together.
grandmother: i'll give you cash for the food.
grandfather: cash? i might not come back.
me: you can wear a toga with cowboy boots.
sister: it will be the most schizophrenic wedding ever.
me: yea, and you'll like marry a greek guy and have to have a huge greek ceremony too..what did the greeks wear?
sister: togas too.
me: really? why don't people discuss this?
sister: yea. but they wore it over their left shoulder, not their right.
grandmother: she's already making trouble as a latin teacher.
me: i hope you get married soon, i really want to go to a wedding.
sister: you mean you hope i get married soon because you want to plan a wedding.
me: yes, that's true.
sister: you and aunt leslie can plan it- i won't have anything to do with it. i'll tell you what i want: a cowboy, circus, roman wedding with no clowns or elephants.
maybe i should be..
a professional organizer? or an efficiency expert? or a professional “can you find this for me”-er? in my family, i am the finder. if it is lost, get me on the job. and i will find it. true story. i truly enjoy making people’s lives easier in these ways. beyond finding things as well. i love the face someone makes when you find their lost item. they look amazed and happy, they...
Dear Jason Segel...
so this can get around a little.. culina: This is an open letter to Jason Segel, the actor. I’m not kidding when I say I think we’d really hit it off. Call me crazy, as you may, but just hear me out. You know how there’s some people in life you just think you’d have a lot of fun with? I think Jason Segel is one of them. Except for the smoking part. That, Jason, you would have to stop. ...